Just being selfish???

So we made it through the long holiday weekend here in TX. Christian was,  again, absent from the house until yesterday afternoon. When I drove to pick him up the sign at the bank said it was 114 degrees! I know it wasn't that hot technically but it sure felt like it! I feel like I haven't seen my son in a month! He stayed at a friend's house all last week, came home on Friday and left at noon on Saturday. He's 9. I know he's just getting to the point where he wants to spend time with his "cool" friends and not his "uncool" Mom but dang it I miss my kid!!

Abby was an emotional roller coaster this weekend. I'm still not sure how I should explain to a 3 year old that when Daddy said  he was "not coming to get her because she didn't want to go to (his) house the day before" that he didn't mean he didn't want her. She sobbed for about an hour after that one and I felt helpless. I tried to make it as fun as possible for her by having a "girls day" and playing with hair and make up, but she wanted her Dad and he couldn't make time to come see her? That made me about as mad as I have been at him in a long time. I confess I went outside and yelled and screamed about what a jerk he is and about what I think he deserves. The dogs thought I had lost my mind and barked at me when I got a little out of hand. I just had to vent my frustration and I won't do that in front of Abby. She doesn't need to know what he's really like. She'll figure it out all on her own.

So, when Abby says she wants a pool I go to the back yard to the pile of snap set, inflatable, plastic, pools and try to find one that doesn't have a hole in it. No luck. No problem, I'll go get one. Wrong. After driving to 3 Wal Mart's, 2 sports stores, 2 Targets and 1 Big Lots the best I can do is another snap set pool that the dogs will destroy in about 15 minutes. I buy it anyway. The 20 minutes of fun she and Christian will have playing in it make it worth it.

So that gets me to thinking, so many parents out there are okay with their kids being disappointed. When did it become okay as a parent to let your kid down? Is it selfish of me to want to have my kids always like me? Is it selfish of me to want my kids to want to spend time with me?

So I started thinking that maybe I wanted the kids to be happy because it made me feel good. It made me feel like I was a good parent. If my kids are happy I must be doing a good job. Right?

But is it? Nope! I know there are times that I have to say "No" and be the "bad parent". My ex(s) never have to be the bad guys. Why? Because when there is a problem they bail. When the kids aren't "fun" they bail. So am I being selfish by wanting them to have to deal with the tantrums and pre-pre-teen stuff that I have to deal with every day? Is it selfish to want them to struggle financially, like I do, so that I can save up to have a great "Santa" visit?

Oh well, I wouldn't trade the smiles on their faces for all of the money and time in the world. Does that make me a good parent?